Monday, March 28, 2011

So Phetermine Day 1

I was totally freaking out..so I decided to take only half a pill ....sooo I did that like a half hour ago...so far...I haven't felt much...but it prly hasn't really got in my system yet i suspect...Regardless I prayed like crazy before I took it that it would just totally help me out! And I trust the Lord that he will protect me! He is stronger than any fear I have or any medication I could take :D

Monday, March 14, 2011

Day 5. Write a blog thanking someone who has made your heart come alive.

So i've been slacking  here lately...
but i'm happy to get back on board...

I first want to say my daughter has shown me what love is...in a different way than I ever expected...She has taught me more and more how God loves me.
That being said.

Eric Christopher Selner...I have put him through more than any one man should endure when they love a woman..He loves me and my daughter...and goes above and beyond to make us feel loved, wanted, special, important, and beautiful. He's my best friend, he's who i call when i'm having a horrible day, and when i'm pissy and need someone to bitch at...he takes it and then calms me down as much as possible haha. We're totally the opposite in so many ways, but God has really been showing me the positives in that. His heart is focused on Christ, and I love it. He's so steadfast and stable and such a constant in my life, never waivering his feelings for me, never changing his mind about me. Completely the opposite of me once again. Where I'm weak he's strong and where he's weak i'm strong (not that many places for me haha). We compliment each other...life isn't about all the CRAZY new feelings. It's about what you strive to build...and what you're afraid of letting go, but once you do, you love and see differently. I couldn't imagine a better man for my daughter and for any future children I would have...his face lights up when he sees Keelynn. Like she's his. For a long time that bothered me, like "oh, he's faking it because he loves me" but it's real and it's amazing. God has given me this wonderful man and I always push it away.. why? Fear of letting myself be vulnerable? Fear of letting someone in? Fear of having someone other than her biological father be her dad? Neglecting her? Giving my life over to another person? D all of the above...I'm scared of making the WRONG choice...but the truth is God would not have put him in my life...every single thing i prayed for, for no reason at all.

I honestly believe God has sometimes a very strange way of showing me things. Ways that hurt, but through the pain, I'm turned into something new and different. I need to stop seeing what the WORLD thinks of a relationship and what the WORLD thinks I should "feel" and start looking at what CHRIST did out of love and how his love wasn't always so beautiful in a worldly fashion...The cross was the picture of beauty and love...but the world doesn't look at that as beauty...no a wordly person says "why didn't he just get off the cross, why didn't he just come down, he was God right?" Exactly...Beauty....

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Thursday, January 27, 2011

So i Skipped day 3

Day 4.  Style 31.  Post a pic of you in your favorite outfit.

This is the shirt I got in scotland the second time i went over...and it was technically a dress haha but over time its become a really adorable shirt and it still fits and is SO SO easy to throw on and feel comfortable..I love bandanas So adding that to any outfit is always a plus! :)

I wish I had an infinite amount of money to buy clothes and accessories!!

Monday, January 24, 2011

Day 2

Day 2.  What makes you uniquely you?

 My uncanny ability to have a conversation and get along with basically anyone. I love to meet new people. My whole thought process is, I know how much of a story I have...and every person in the world has their own story. It's SOOO interesting! The more people I know the more it excites me:)


I guess my ability to wear red lipstick is somewhat unique lol, a lot of women say they can't pull it off but I LOVE IT!


Tattoos are whatever it's not really unique anymore because lot's of people have them, but no one has MY tattoos so I dig that a lot. 


I love weird situations...like going to Scotland completely alone...finding out I can do the things I'm most scared of. Like fly alone. I love it!


and well I guess I don't have much for this one! :)

Sunday, January 23, 2011

SO here it is!

Day 1.  What does beauty mean to you?

First of all let me say that this first question is very very easy/hard for me. Let me first and foremost say what I find beauty in...because it is easy for me to find beauty in people/things around me. So pictures do say a thousand words so that's what I shall use!

First and foremost, being saved, by grace...DAILY...and the wonderful saviour that holds my heart and uses the holy spirit to convict me. Being saved over and over again every day is just BEAUTIFUL. Simply amazing and nothing could be more beautiful than that to me. But not only am I a sinner and saved. I am BLESSED beyond all reason, without deserving a bit of it. And though I am the first person to complain about what I don't have..sitting here writing this and realizing what is BEAUTIFUL in my life has brought me to tears.

So here it goes: Keelynn (my beautiful daughter) and I
She's the most challenging beautifully rewarding thing I've ever laid eyes on. This happens to be an older picture but looking at it and her cute little lips and chubby cheeks and bald head are just heartbreaking and at the same time mindblowing..SHES A LITTLE ME!
There are some more recent ones of her. GORGEOUS!!!! Keelybug...she's the best thing in the world! :)


So for sake of space...I'll just write out the rest of the things I find beauty in (well some I think I could write all day)
Scotland, Celtic, Antiques, Hair, Makeup, Love, Music, Tattoos, Friendship, Poetry, Uniqueness, Castles, Pictures, Flight, Balloons, Coffee&Tea, Culinary Arts, FAMILY FAMILY FAMILY, Laughter, Elderly couple holding hands, Outgoing-ness, Dancing, My parents loving each other and staying together, Trees, Fall.


And finally the worst part for me...Finding beauty in myself..Now no doubt I upload a bazillion pictures of myself..but honestly...I just love taking pictures...and it's fun! Beauty in ME is hard...especially physically. After a baby let's just say I'm the farthest thing from perfect, it's hard to feel beautiful when you can't even fit in a dang tshirt without worrying about your tummy not being flat! SIGH! but at the end of the day..Who really cares, those who love me don't care about that stuff its just me! I'm so selfish, I obsess over it because I feel like society has totally skewed the REALITY of what beauty is..A rack of bones, and some designer dresses, really??? YUCK..it makes no sense but its so toxic the way we're "supposed to look" So the beautifying I need to worry about is Inward...I long to be beautiful to Christ, I need to set down all the worry and stress from not looking the way I think I need to and focus on Christ, after all he did make me beautiful.


1 Peter 3:3-4
“Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty that depends on fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should be known for the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God.” (NLT)